KARDAS - Accbar Pita

* Chapter 6 *

2 March 1997

2 March 1997

Hi again,

This week, my first since getting out of the hospital for the chemo, has been sort of uneventful, Gott sei dank = gracias a Dios = thank God!

Had to take an IMODIUM A-D pill every day for the first 3 days after leaving the hospital -- the 4 rounds of laxatives were working too well!

The pills I was prescribed for nausea/vomiting, COMPAZINE, I had to take once because I thought my stomach was sort of weird -- not really nauseous.

I hate pills = medication. Don't mind supplements like antioxidants, GINSANA, echinacea (a herb "antibiotic") and such things because there is some slight potential that they can/might be helpful. Funny, all the hype about red wine and its cancer-reducing effects seems moot, since I usually have a glass or two with dinner -- learned the wine thing when I lived/studied in Europe, first Germany (and the sometimes very dry Rhine wines), then Spain with its wide range of really great bouquets. That's loads of years of gourmet wines, and I still got the stupid cancer!!

I have noted a slight amount of hair loss, especially in my pubic area, which is OK. The only usefulness for pubic/butt hair might be as egg laying places for lice! We can discount the inherited generalized mammalian body hair necessity for warmth and rain runoff -- the hairs are usually oriented so that rain flows off in the best/fastest manner. Apparently the hair loss in the radiated area (pubis) will never grow back -- hurray! The chemo is also supposed to thin the general body/head hair, which I have not really noticed too much yet.

My appetite has not changed too much. Am still able to make dinner, the usual sandwich for lunch, and the cereal and toast for breakfast. Don't make as much coffee as I used to -- replace it with juice (cranberry, apple), tonic water (with quinine), seltzer, water from the undersink purifier I have always had. The filtered water has its own "tap" on the sink itself. Use nonalcoholic mouth wash -- not too frequently found in the supermarkets.

The coming week should bring about more of the side effects: more hair loss, more butt pain (for which the radiation oncologist said I would need to be on morphine related pain killers -- WOW, a real drug addict! He said I would walk like a cowboy who rides horses all day long!), and a slew of other "listed" niceties.

Am a bit more tired than usual. Take a nap after lunch. Putter around the house, doing the needed things: cleaning up after the cats and dogs, letting the woof-woofs out 3-4 times a day, washing soiled underwear (= "drawers", as the technician in the radiation lab calls them!), sitting at the computer to see if I have any email -- which I don't usually! Funny, I wrote notes on 4 different message boards in the cancer area asking for feedback from others who have similar afflictions -- BUT guess they are all dead, or have no energy to send info?? Have not received even 1 reply! The NET/AOL may be good for commerce and cyber-sex, but when it really comes down to real personal interaction, with few exceptions, it leaves much to be desired. BUT, maybe I expect too much -- which is possible!

The kittens are 7 weeks old already -- another week or so and I can put the ad in the local paper to try to sell them (have 4, Seal Point Siamese). I really need the $$.

It is nice to see the weather warm up somewhat. Today the thermometer says 68° F. The evergreen trees, some 13 or more varieties planted in the garden, all seem happy, taller than before the winter. The tulip and daffodil leaves are over an inch tall in the front yard, around the trees. A couple of crocus have raised their purple blooms above the surrounding leaf piles. I can see the koi in the ponds again after making sure that the ultraviolet light was working correctly on the filter system. The fish look happy -- they seem to smile when I check them out! Fed them for the first time since the temperature dropped to 50° some months ago.

Watch TV a bit more than I used to. Highlights include, FARINELLI (French, subtitled, that really great film about the life of a well known 1700s castrato, those arousing singers whose talents are due to having been castrated!), HACKERS (where they used Apple laptops, of course!), BELLE DE JOUR (French, subtitled, a kinky love story that sort of reminded me of THE STORY OF O), ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA, a wicked tale of "typical" American enterprenourship(?), getting to the top "no matter what", from the teen years of a small group of palls till old age. Viva el espiritu del yanqui!

So what else?

My brother's second eldest daughter, Mary Francis, got married the day I got out of the hospital -- sorry I could not attend!

My brother told me that Dad had the option of a colostomy when his cancer was diagnosed -- must have been similar to mine. BUT, in those days they apparently did not have the "wonders" of chemo and radiation therapies! He did not want a colostomy, so he waited a couple of years -- until the cancer had metastasized all over the place, then he did have the colostomy. He lasted for another 4 years, and died in 1970 looking like an 85 year old (he was only 54 y.o.!). [I was not aware that all of this was happening because Mom never wrote me anything about it! -- I was teaching/studying in Spain at the time, first in Madrid, then in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria/Canary Islands -- off the NW coast of Africa.] On my first visit home from Europe, I did notice that Dad had a plastic tube up his penis when I had to use the bathroom while he was bathing -- I didn't know why. I guess I knew he had something or other. He did not look too bad then. The only thing that really bothered me about that visit: when my family met me at JFK, Mom came up to me and hugged and kissed me, B U T Dad came up and gave me his hand to shake -- I was sort of taken back because after the usual European experience of really greeting with hugs and a kiss on both cheeks, it was a very cold way of salutation, taking into account the years I had been away!

I got phone calls from Doug and Don in California (AOL buddies), Thom (a writer friend from Philadelphia, my city of birth), George (a friend from the Evelio Era) from Norristown, and, of course, the almost daily "fly by" visits from Bernar.

Bernar and I went to New York Friday afternoon to pick up some stuff we had on consignment at a co-op. Few sales! I did make enough to pay about 3/4 of my March bills, though. Maybe prayers do help!

Thom and Mike came over Saturday afternoon, brought 3 different kinds of cookies (2 were French kinds that I really like) and stayed for dinner (had sea bass -- which I hadn't had for over 30 years -- used to catch them on fishing outings with Dad off of Wildwood, New Jersey; and croakers, which I hadn't had in at least so long -- used to catch them in the Delaware Bay -- they both brought back memories of the good ole days! Used to love fishing, but could never find anybody to go with since my return to the States), watched TV, chatted a little. It was nice to see real live breathing human bodies at this hermit's refuge!

George and Dave are supposed to visit today, Sunday. Haven't seen him in a while.

I finally did write a note about why I have been absent from school to the half dozen or so teachers I had home addresses for. Had phone calls from Jocelyn (computer teacher) and Ann (a former secretary who also has cancer and has been out for several years already). Then I got cards from Connie (special ed teacher-- even spelled my first name in the usual splendid Polish way: ZYGMUNT!), and one signed by many teachers [I really did not expect this one!] -- notable in its absence was that of the shit assed Principal who has always hated my guts because I am/had been extremely outspoken on a variety of issues!

It has begun to rain again -- day overcast, but almost warmish. Missed another Sunday at the flea market, unfortunately -- it infrequently helps pay the bills, BUT at least I used to see people and get out of this monastery for some hours! Have to let the dogs out for the second time, then have lunch before George & David show up. [They just arrived -- brought me a cheese cake and oatmeal raison cookies, my favorite]

Be good. May the FORCE be with you.

H U G S and all,

Sonny

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