KARDAS - Accbar Pita

Chapter 2

30 January 1997

30 January 1997

Hi,

Just had dinner -- sphagetti & meatsauce, with the usual red wine. I saved half of the sauce for tomorrow -- something I rarely did before -- always gave the leftovers to the dogs. Now, with no $$ coming in, I have to scrimp where ever I can!

This week I had a rectal ultrasound done on Monday -- although I have not seen the report, I was told that the bladder does not seem to be involved. It was a very painful procedure, using 2 different probes. The ultrasoundologist said he took about 50 shots -- which I ordered for my files -- have to pick them up, maybe tomorrow.

Tuesday I had a cat scan of my stomach/pelvic area- took some 70 photos, all of which I have -- it is the cheapest thing in the whole health-care system: $6.10 for each photo/X-Ray, and some are on LARGE film sheets!! IF I ONLY KNEW HOW TO INTERPRET THE THINGS!!

Life has been continuing as usual, sort of -- not counting the nervousness/frustration/anger/disoriented feelings/anxiety that ALL seem to have cropped up at the same time. My life has really never been free of all these things, but they were on a different level and they apparently passed quickly.

And the $$ woes -- none coming in -- out of school since 19 December 1996 due to fall, which made my hip pain more acute (result of auto accident in 1982. Shall need hip replacement eventually/soon.) The mortgage, credit card bills (how stupid I have been all these years just thinking that $$ was to spend!), utilities, etc., etc..

Today I saw the radiation oncologist, Dr. Machtay -- Mercer Medical has a cooperative thing going with the University of Pennsylvania -- which is how things should be -- the future of health care is in associated health centers pooling resources in a cost effective/ positive manner.

I was told that the catscan showed the anal cancer nicely, and it seems larger than I was told before -- over 3.5"!! It also appeared to show some sort of polyp/cyst in 2 spots in my liver. In a very lengthy consultation (over 1 & 1/2 hours!), he went over some of the details of the radiation procedures, side effects (hair falls out in the genital region, impotency, severe rash/sunburn-like thing on my butt that will need special baths,etc. during the sessions, won't be able to sit/stand/walk too well, possible burns to the bones I need for the hip replacement later on -- had I to survive all of this!!), using about 60 rads for treatment due to size of cancer. Six - 8 weeks of combined chemo-radiation treatment. A couple of weeks thereafter to "get back to normal", as if I ever shall!!

He also scheduled 3 other tests for me next week:

1. liver ultrasound to see what those thingys are that the cat scan showed up

2. chest X-Ray

3. CAB (I think those were the letters) blood test- I think it has to do with checking what antigen or whatever is present in the cancer???

I would assume that the actual treatment (chemo-radiation stuff) might begin on Monday 10 February, being in the hospital for 4 days, then on an outpatient basis for the radiation for some weeks, then back into the hospital for the end of the treatment, going back on the chemo. I forgot to ask him why they only do chemo at the start and end of the protocol, not all the way through it??

So there you have it -- the latest.

The new batch of Siamese kittens will be 3 weeks old tomorrow-- another 5 weeks and I can try to find them new (paying) homes. By then I should be unable to move too well and all, so it should be something to really look forward to!!

After some personal analysis/logical reasoning (sic!) on the possible use of restarting Prozac to lower my anxiety level -- anxiety in itself can be very negative in the body's defense against anything -- I decided not to take it. I generally do not like medication of any sort. Theoretically one's mind has a great influence over the body -- and IF one could focus it correctly/effectively I feel that many "miracles" would happen. This is all theoretical, of course, and I can not seem to focus too well on anything since mid-December when this whole thing started!! And things do not seem to be getting "better" right now.

So what else? Not a whole lot -- have to try to get to the flea market on Sundays to try to make some $$ -- until I physically can no longer do it due to therapy. The month of March is already paid, so somebody better wheel me in!!

Curious, a person who is special to me hugged me when he came over for a few minutes a couple days ago. I felt some sense of well-being when this happened. Was watching Married With Children when he showed up, and I usually laugh "internally" at the many jokes, B U T after he hugged me, I laughed out loud at the stupid humour!! IF I only had more hugs and closeness, I think the stupid tumor would simply disappear!! NOT!!!-- but at least I would "feel" better.

My best, as always,

Sonny/Sigmund

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