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*Chapter 14 * 27 April 1997 |
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******************************************************* CONTAINS MATERIAL WHICH SOME ADULTS MAY CONSIDER LETHAL TO T H E I R F R I G I D I T Y ****************************************************** |
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******************************************************* In cases of severe obstruction of the brain stem, administer green tea to the afflicted person while he/she holds your breath for 6 minutes . ******************************************************* |
27 April 1997
Querido caminante (Sp., Dear traveler),
The salutation occurred to me as I was setting up this episode -- thought of a Joan Manuel Serrat (male Catalán folk/protest vocalist -- he gave a concert a couple years ago in New York. I had not heard his songs for over 15 years, B U T as he did some of his classical stuff I found myself remembering the words and sort of quietly singing along! Bernar, Amaury and Cathy accompanied me.) song that includes, Caminante, no hay camino. Se hace el camino al andar. (Sp., "Traveler, there is no road. The path is made as you go along.")
If I continue giving you a play by play account of each of my days activities, feelings, etc. this chapter will be as long as some of the others. Would you really be missing anything if I cut some of the stuff out? -- B U T what should I discontinue relating ?, that is the dilemma!
Do you actually want to know about the animals and what they are doing, the visits from Bernar, my thoughts on current events, or some of the other extraneous personal things which I interject as they spontaneously occur to me? Was it important that the squirrels eat jellybeans, what my TV preferences are, or that solar storms could interrupt various electromagnetic world activities on a global scale?
It sort of scares me to see 6 or 7 or even 8 pages of text pour out of my printer when I proof read the chapters! Do those who receive ACCBAR PITA really read all the stuff -- or even want to?
Wednesday I went to bed at about 23h B U T could not sleep, so I got up and puttered around a bit, then decided to do the ACCBAR PITA Awards on the ole computer, as the tabulations were finally handed to me by a representative from Deloy & Tousch. I did not get back to bed until 5:15h!! It occurred to me that it could be the time of Full Moon -- I have been a real persona Lunar (Sp., Lunar person) for as long as I can remember. Usually have trouble sleeping on or near the Full Moon. So I checked Thursdays Trenton Times and found that the Full Selene phase was on the 22nd -- so I was a day late!
I always look for reasons for why things happen -- guess it must be my analytical scientific background coupled with the Capricornian trait of inquisitiveness and attempts at understanding ones Welt (Ger., world).
Well, it has been over 3 weeks since the last radiation, and over 5 Wochen (Ger., weeks) since the second round of chemo therapy. It seems like only yesterday! How have things progressed ?
* the radiation burns that I can see in the once fertile crescent (= pubic area) have apparently disappeared. Since I can not see my butt, I can make no report on that locality.
* I am no longer using those Assurance diapers, rather my normal 100% cotton briefs in white and other colours (size 36).
* there seem to be less mucous secretions when I urinate, but the same or connected muscles must be involved because I still sometimes get a mini-terd pushing its way out when flushing my bladder. For months I have micturated de píe (Sp., while standing, my conventional method -- I know, some males do it while sitting!) -- wow, these words just pop from my memory banks -- imagine what it would be like if I used a Thesaurus! (some people have told me that I do not complete my sentences! I know, my hyphens can get confusing!! now refer back to "micturated de píe") holding the apparatus with my left hand while I hold some folded toilet tissue on my Arse (Ger., ass) with the right hand in case something appears! Not the most pleasant/agreeable feeling! It continues to happen! Maybe I should start some sphincter exercises or something?
* my weight has registered from 193 to 210#. From college up until the time of my auto accident in 1982 I weighed 180#, for muchos (Sp., many) years! After the accident I stabilized at 190#, which remained fairly constant until now.
* my partes masculinas (Sp., masculine parts) are still sort of tender. The testicles do not seem as ultramassive as they used to be (testi-monials to that effect are kept on file in the main office!). Most of the surface area of the shaft, surrounding pubic areas and 85% of the jewels are completely denuded of hair -- except the bottom of my pellotas (Sp., balls). The smoothness is almost sensual (sort of like feeling a Sphynx cat rub against you in bed)!
The Saturday after chemo & radiation began and the Saturday afterward I was able to do what is supposed to make you blind (maybe that's why I always need a new, stronger pair of glasses?) with the momentary pleasurable expected results. The Saturday after radiation ended, the culmination point was marked with a deeply burning pain and little or no slippery sticky stuff. During the past 2 weeks several further pajas (Sp., ejaculations) have exhibited a seemingly more "normal" aspect, albeit certainly not as copious as in the past.
It has been usual to be HARD to get out of bed in the morning over the last 2 weeks, although it does not last all that long -- one of my physical defects over the last few years (the long part! Testimonials also available)! Guess I shall have to see a specialist about this later on. Stimulation /arousal may have increased slightly.
* my butt crease area, especially in the uppermost part, still has some rough bumplike spots possibly due to wiping in that direction. I know, others seem to prefer wiping from back to front! I also prefer my toilet paper roll to unwind from the bottom, not over the top! Now you know!
The hydrocortisone and radiation creams alleviate the soreness somewhat. The hydrocortisone suppositories appear to insert somewhat easier than they had in the past weeks, and the sphincter area seems smoother than before.
The size of the ejecta may be larger than previously, but I still sometimes note a flattening of the terds, meaning that there must still be some kind of obstruction of the bowel. Those that spontaneously pop out when peeing are usually very small.
Still experience gases, some days more, sometimes less. BMs are usual in the morning after breakfast and sometimes again after dinner.
* my energy/stamina levels are still not what they should be, though it has improved somewhat because I try to force myself to do things, move around frequently, walk a lot in the house and generally attempt to try to be my usual self -- N O T at all easy!
* my appetite has never slowed down since this whole thing began! Which is comforting, I guess.
I really thought that I would turn into a walking
s k e l e t o n
or something!
* have not experienced nausea/vomiting even once -- yet! Have only had diarrhea once -- remember the stairs episode?
* what surprises me is that, despite the opium derived medication and all the artificial destructive chemical and ultra high energy therapies, my gray cells have, thus far, been their normal, active, imaginative selves, allowing me to continue writing these journal chapters and to do other cerebral things. Gawd, it must be absolute hell for someone who loses this facility -- but then again, perhaps they are not aware that it is happening, a significant consolation! It must be devastating for their loved ones and care givers.
* the last IV site still exhibits a slight reddening, and the hard entrance area (below the epidermis) is still present. I just hope it is not a sign of arterial hardening or worse, something that could lead to embolism in my left arm/shoulder or even travel to the gray cells, heart or other vital organs! My left shoulder does have an intermittent pain, especially when I am lying in bed.
* my progressively more arthritic right hip joint (or what is left of it!) must be affected in some way as I find it more difficult to sit, then stand/stoop/put on my sock than previously. My toe nails need cutting, but I can not reach the right toes at all! That leg derecha (Sp., right; adjectives usually follow the noun they modify in Spanish) is already about 1/2" longer than the left Beine (Ger., leg) since the accident in 1982, causing me to limp somewhat, even while accompanied by the cane I always use. The offset then affects my left leg and gait, and adds stress to my sacral area (= back) and neck.
Jesus, I am just falling apart!! And I always thought that Capricorns get better with age, like a vintage cognac!
The only thing I hope for, si Dios quiera (Sp., God willing), is that the ugly, self-interested, low down, nasty, problem causing cancer cells have been halted in their tracks, permanently! It would be nice to see the Spring bulbs I planted last week actually bloom next year, and to celebrate the new Millennium in Greece with Al and Ami, sitting on the shore of their place on the Island of Naxos, or accompanied by some friends at the summit of El Teide (a volcano, the highest topographic point in Spain) in Tenerife watching the sunrise illuminate the sea of clouds between the Islands.
I have a lot of writing and many research projects that have remained merely as thoughts due to my teaching and preoccupation with making enough $$ to live on here in the States. It would be great if I could actualize their continuation, completion and eventual publication. Neither my Father nor my Mom had the chance to really see what retirement was like, or to do the many things they might have liked to -- my Mother died shortly after she retired.
Veremos (Sp., we shall see)!
The London Philharmonic (Gr., loves harmony) is tuning up for its rendition of Also Sprach Zarathustra (Strauss). The Master of Ceremonies, Agent Fox Mulder, arrived in a flying saucer with his long lost younger sister accompanied by a representative of the Intragalactic Federation.
All of the seats in the Philadelphia CORE States Spectrum are already filled, and the excitement mounts. As the flying saucer hovers above the crowd treating the spectators to a holographic travelogue (in living colour, of course!) of selected intergalactic tourist destinations, everybodys watch stops at exactly 23:55h (as is usual when the extraterrestrial visitors approach) -- only 5 minutes remain until midnight when the winners of the ACCBAR PITA Awards are to be announced.
The dignitaries and special guests completely fill the central area of the arena.
Included are:
the Heads of State of some 39 countries (Clinton could not attend, B U T he did send Boots -- oh, well, a little pussy always cums in handy)
Beavis & Butthead in their birthday suits; King Juan Carlos (carrying a lance and wearing an antique barber's bowl on his head, still searching for windmills) & la Reina (Sp., Queen) Sophia of Spain (who danced to Zorba's Theme, remembering the old times in Greece); King Simeon of Bulgaria just back from a brief visit to his former kingdom (exiled in Madrid, whose son I would meet as he walked his Saluki along the Paseo de la Castellana); Prince Charles flew in on British Earways with his Mommy Dearest, Queen Lizzie (who snubbed the papperazzi when they quoted the taped conversations mentioned in the tabloid press between Pope John Paul II and herself. She said that when the Pope told her, "you give good head", it was taken out of cuntext); several other "queens "; Elton John dressed as a viking, complete with horns, and his entourage of some 69 effebos; Ellen DeGeneres (whose new flic costarring Sylvester Stallone, "Look Who Amy's Chasing", promises to be a smashing box-office hit -- with pumpkins); numerous * stars * of * stage * and * scream *; Lestat and some of his Bad Boys companions; well over dos mil (Sp., two thousand) of my present and former students (many flew in from Madrid and the Canary Islands); German Chancellor Helmut Kohl (who announced that he would be running for office again in 2079); Salman Rushdie discretely, of course, disguised as Norma Jean; Dennis Rodman sporting that nasty attire that Madonna wore (you know, the one with the steel cone-shaped tetas (Sp., tits)) [when doing computer programming, as in math, NEVER forget to count the "("s on the left and make sure that you have the same number of ")"s on the right of the expression] ; former Belgian Justice Minister, Melchior Wathelet (now a Judge at the European Court of Justice in Luxembourg) accompanied by Marc Dutroux and a local New Jersey boy, Jesse Timmendequas -- the trio appeared to be furtively passing snapshots among themselves; Brad Pitt came; TIMEX watched; Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (who later said he would raze the Spectrum to make room for a kibbutz in which vehicular traffic is permitted on Saturdays); Timothy McVeigh with a gang of skinheads (he got a day off from his tight schedule when he promised not to blow anyone........up); Joe Camel (who got humped by Federal District Court Judge William Osteen); Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori (who asked whether there were any rebels attending because he still had some ammunition left -- and assured the multitude that the stadium was undermined by tunnels just in case trouble erupts); and a roving band of squirrels (they played several Appalachian folk tunes from their latest MTV music video) looking for more j e l l y b e a n s .
W H A T A L I N E U P ! !
<- (*-*) ----- (*_*) ----- (<_>) ----- (>-<) ----- (*_*) ----- (*-*) - >
The lights are d i m m i n g.
[[ Hang on! I have to pop another couple of these PERCOCETs.]]
A cosmic hush is heard (!).
Center stage is lit up like Betty Ford used to be.
The tension mounts -- McVeigh and Fujimori are getting restless.
The crowds in the bleachers are doing the w a v e for the 9th time.
The awards envelopes are taken from the heavily armed Brinks guards. (bazookas, shoulder-fire ground-to-air missiles -- oh, shit, there goes another civilian plane! )
The people in the top tiers are ingesting some Big Macs® laced with
cilantro, covering themselves with purple shrouds,
and tying a plastic bag over their heads
simulating astronaut helmets,
waiting to be taken
up
by the space people.
Comet Hale-Bopp sprouts yet another tail which spells out
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S
The crowd roars, "Now that's a good piece of tail".
Hilary makes a surprise appearance in a whitewater raft,
munching on some of Bill's waffles du jour.
AND THE
WINNERS
ARE :
çççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççç
Dr. David L. Schaebler, M.D., for the most attentive lead M.D. (chemo)
Dr. Shirnett Williamson, M.D., the most attentive lead (used for protective purposes!) M.D. (radiation)
Rosely, for best enfermera de primera (Sp., lead nurse)
Chucky, most helpful supporting radiation technician
Hellenna, for most hugable supporting radiation technician
Mercer Medical Center Food Services Staff, the absolute best lead meal provider
Bernar, for the most supporting hospital visits
Bernar, the most supporting visitas a casa (Sp., home visits)
Bernar, for the most lead all-around helpful
Deacon Dews, the most supporting get well cards from los estudiantes (Sp., students) and staff at my school
Doug, who sent the most supporting (39!) email mensajes (Sp., messages)
Bill, mi hermano (Sp., my brother), for sending the most lead family email messages
Horacio, who sent the most lead foreign (España) email messages
Lucy, the most lead Meals-on-Feet provider
John, for his supporting role in putting out la basura (Sp., the trash)
Al & Ami, most lead visits from Princeton, New Jersey
Amaury & Cathy, for the mayor número de (Sp., most) supporting visits from New York
George, most supporting visits from Norristown, Pennsylvania
Thom, for the most supporting visits from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Mark, most supporting visit from Connecticut
çççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççççç
I am not including the text of the acceptance speeches, as some of them went well over the 100 minute limit (Amaury presented his CYBERWORLD award - winning homeboy homepage
(http://www.lab.sce.nyu.edu/~perez)
in holograph form -- the attendees were awed by the creative genius involved -- he later got a multibillion $$ contract from the Weltraum (Ger., space) visitors to update their Internet sites). The ceremony lasted a full three and a half days -- which no one noticed because the Intragalactic technicians enclosed the Spectrum in a time warp (all of us even danced it! Can you imagine?) and it seemed as if only twenty minutes had elapsed.
Each award winner received a certificate attesting to their role/s, as well as an all expense paid month-long vacation to the extragalactic destination of their choice in the Constellation of Cancer.
Unfortunately the members of the illustrious jury did not see fit to award more of the nominated individuals with these coveted accolades. You could see the disappointment in the beady eyes of those who failed to win!
There was a discrete gnashing of teeth and a rending of vestments -- but it soon passedover! At least they were all eventually served a strict Kosher repast. After the organizers discovered that they had no more food left to feed the hungry multitude in the stands, Elizabeth Taylor, Honorary Chairmensch of the Financial Committee, told her disciples to cast their internets into the ether sea -- and immediately it rained down bagels and lox as well as CDs (certificates of deposit, not the other kind) and IRAs (which the Sinn Fein did not appreciate very much!) for everyone in the audience who was circumcised (many African women were included as a result of a recent Reform Movement® interpretation of the Torah ! The Ultra Orthodox© minority considered this ruling just a "spinnink ov zer dreidels ("svivivon " in Hebrew), eat vil lead to nahsink"!).
Mi peso (Sp., my weight) = 211# ! A new record!!
OK, so this was all the news that's unfit to print.
Hasta la próxima vez (Sp., until next time),
S o n n y
a.k.a. Sigmund
** P/S -- It is too bad that those of my readers who are not on AOL can not appreciate the polychrome text which took me so many hours to preparar (Sp., prepare). I use a MAC -- hopefully those using the subordinate PC also have this capability??
It is great fun!
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