KARDAS - Accbar Pita

*Chapter 10 *

EASTER SUNDAY

30 March 1997

Hello again,

ERRATUM :

(in ACCBAR PITA #9/22 March 1997)

The Burning Zone should read Dark Skies. Sorry.

Welcome to the tenth chapter of ACCBAR PITA = Anal Cancer Can Be A Real Pain In The Ass.

This is a weekly journal of events, feelings, physical and mental states experienced in the time interval during which I was tested for and diagnosed with anal cancer, a rare form of colo-rectal squamous cell carcinoma.

The title, which sort of sounds Arabic, occurred to me Monday (possibly under the influence of that opium derivitive?) in my usual inventive / problem solving / creative dream period just before awakening. Many prior research orientations have also flashed before me at the same asleep/awake time. Must be those good alpha waves or something??

Some of the previous chapters have been somewhat off colour, in what I personally consider a humorous way -- perhaps an attempt on my part to try to make an extremely painful (mentally and physically) experience a bit less excruciating. Hopefully you were not too scandalized by it all. And if you were, GET A LIFE!

No flea market last Sunday -- I had the van ready to roll, but when I got up at 5h I simply did not feel up to aguantar (Sp., put up with) the below freezing temperatures.

Another week of delightful radiation outings. Still using the three templates or whatever they are called. I wonder how I ever drive to the hospital -- it is extremely uncomfortable to sit and endure the bumps, etc. in the drive, P L U S the opium derivitive label says I should not drive. BUT, it would be the same if someone else took me, and I would rather not bother someone else on a daily basis to get me there.

They usually forget to put the table extension on before I come in to the machine. Then they put this nice padded head rest with a deliriously suggestive ovoid opening for my head to cradle in -- I did this licking/slurping sound when I put my head in it, and one of the technicians began laughing! Guess which one? Hellenna.

I always forget to add Chucky to my list of favorite radiation technicians -- the name is one that I used in school a lot with the kids, and is the name of my Siamese studly male cat. Chucky is kewl!

This week sees the usual gases and mucous secretions from my anus when I urinate, B U T the secretions no longer smell like something from a horror movie! Unfortunately my underwear is constantly soiled, as before. The bowel movements are, according to schedule, usually after breakfast -- still not what I would call normal. Urination seems to be a bit more "urgent", and I still have to get up at night about every hour and a half to flush my bladder.

So who did I see when I was about to leave the dentist's on Tuesday? Deacon Dews, the teacher from school who has gone the extra light years to keep me in good spirits! This week I received another envelope filled with get well greetings hand made by my homeroom class, 8C. A couple of the cards were so detailed that they even had "Hallmark" on the back, plus the prices in the US and Canada!! What fun the kids must have had! This was another Deacon Dews event!

So we chatted a while, standing, as I felt a bit more comfortable in that position than sitting. He mentioned that he attempted to get the principal (Michael M. Rothstein), my arch nemesis, to sign one of the communal cards, B U T he declined!! B I T C H!! He always had his own private agenda, usually making life totally unbearable for his select few "targets"!

Thursday they told me at the radiation Easter party, that they would be off on Friday -- which was totally OK with me -- now I can have 3 days of no killer radiation instead of the usual two! Gracias a Dios! (Sp, thanks be to GOD!) There were loads of cookies, donuts, cheese and crackers, soda, chocolate eggs, jelly beans, etc. -- B U T I only had one cookie -- a truely R A R E event!!

The drain was still stopped up when I tried to wash clothes, so I called Mr.Rooter about 11h and they said they would be here in an hour or two. Carlos actually arrived more like 15:30h, and spent a good two hours with the rooter machine getting a bucket of roots out of the line in front of the house!! That sort of made me feel better because I was convinced that my flushing the baby wipes down the toilet was the cause of the big mess! The cost was not all that much, considering the work he did -- about $166. Now, at least, I do not have to worry about mopping up the basement after taking a shower or whatever.

It was sort of warm out, so I fed the fish, wishing that I could sit in the Sun -- B U T that was prohibited due to the chemo. That old track in my left hand from the first round of chemo a couple weeks ago is still reddish, and the new ones from last week make me look even more like Frankenstein! Guess they should disappear in a couple months. When I think of all the people who inject drugs and all, their arms must look like embalmed medical student corpses!

Thursday I decided that I was not moving my bowels as well as I should be, so I took some Milk of Magnesia in the morning. It helped a bit during the day. About 23h I really had the urge to go! That day I must have gone through 6 pairs of underwear! Had the washing machine full, as I had been doing, since the morning -- using bleach and letting the stuff sit there until the evening. Then, not wearing underwear, I was going down the stairs from the second floor with the new stuff to put in the washer, including the bathroom rugs which were also soiled, when, about half way down I noted something dripping down my legs -- and B O O M -- an unusual diarrhea bout (similar to a warm summer shower!) took place, soiling my socks, shoes and of course, the stairs -- luckily there are no rugs on the stairs!! What an awful feeling! I almost felt as if I was going to pass out! That would have been the grand finale -- I F Bernar would come over the next day, there I would be, lying at the bottom of the stairs at the end of a shit trail-- my brother would have been vindincated -- he always said I was full of it!!

So I took two Imodium pills, put the stuff in the wash and crawled into bed feeling shitty, sweaty and totally down!!

Good Friday I was awoken by the sound of Deacon Dews knocking on the cellar door. He came over to see what he could do to help me out. I made coffee and we chatted a bit, then he went outside and gathered some of the twigs that were on the lawn from the winter winds, etc. I wish I could have gotten them all, plus rake the leaves, B U T, even though the day was beautiful and warm, I did not have any energy left after the mass defecations of the previous night, plus I am not supposed to be in the Sun!

Bernar visited almost every day, sometimes even before work to let the dog out = twice a day. He thought that the price of the drain cleaning was excessive -- based on the time spent! The rooter is probably the only machine that I do not have here at home!

Holy Saturday when I awoke, at the accustomed urination session, I did not get the usual accompanying mucous, rather a lot of bright red blood (it was the first blood emission in several weeks, and the previous blood was sort of a deeper, dirty red colour -- up until this point I was absolutely thrilled that I saw no blood in such a long time!) mixed with what seemed like clumps of bloody tissue -- could have been a cancer abortion?? It really scared me! Of course, I was afraid to defecate after that thinking that I would just gush blood and all.

Around noon I felt the urge to shit, and was overly happy to see that no blood appeared this time. I really wish I could understand what was happening in all of this. It has always been the unknown that has spurred me on to learn about/get to know the reasons for things, whatever they be.

The dog, Tracey, is sleeping on the chair upstairs in the computer/TV room, Devi and Kamiel are asleep under the covers in bed, and Chucky and Shiva are still together in his apartment in the basement. It is a dreary day-- sprinkles of rain every now and then. Am doing a washer full of white things. Have not had my usual sandwich for lunch yet.

It rained heavily a couple of times. I finally redid the nine previous chapters, including the new title, ACCBAR PITA, corrected a couple of errors, printed them and made four copies, 1 of which I left on my favorite neighbors' porch, the Ryans -- I still it find it very difficult to tell people about what is happening to me. For some reason it has been easier with my AOL (= America On Line) contacts -- could it be the distance, or the somewhat impersonal nature of cyber contacts??

Bernar arrived, as usual, and got the Easter basket filled with goodies that the Easter Bunny left him. It is sort of a tradition with me. I also got one! Nice Bunny! Poor guy, Bernar not the Easter Bunny, has had a bad cold for some weeks already -- too much work/worry/responsibilities and no play, I suppose?

So how does the Easter version of ACCBAR PITA end ??

W i t h a b i g

H A P P Y

E A S T E R

W I S H ! !

Until our next report -- if and when. Stay tuned.

S O N N Y

P/S Hope the different scripts turn out on your computers!

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